waiting game

[forgottenmix]

im in a “relationship” with a guy right now, its unofficial so it doesn’t really count as a relationship, we’re just trying things out. I don’t think it’s going to last another day, we’re both not the type to do a long distance relationship, and since he lives on the other side of the world, we obviously have different time zones, too. I don’t know. im not even over the relationship I got out of almost a month ago, and I was the one who ended it. im such an imbecile. if ares was still here, he’d give me perfect advice. oh, god. why’d you take him from me? he’s the only person I need right now, and he’s gone. anyway, that was off track a little.. I feel so fucking guilty and angry with myself it’s not even funny. do I know what made the gears in my brain say “OOP, let’s break up with him” no. but do I kinda feel like it was the right thing to do? not really. i did it because we were both struggling with mental shit (still are, obviously) and I felt like I was too much for him. it’s nowhere near his fault, it’s all on me. he treated me the best out of everyone I’ve had before, and I couldn’t treat him with the same, I couldn’t love him the same way he loved me, not that I didn’t love him because, man, I really loved him.. and I kinda still do, but idk. maybe it’ll work in the future, but at this rate, I don’t think I want to date anymore. fuck teenage love, fuck life, and especially fuck trust.